So Rochelle and I are sick. Nice huh. You’d think that we’d made eachother sick but that’s..not possible..

I’ve been sick for 2 days now, and Rochelle has been sick for a little longer I think.

So erm..we’ve been looking at promise rings and we figured out what ones we are going to get eachother. I love the one she’s going to get me

I love you Rochelle!!!

1and1 pisses me off.

anyways we wont be moving…until I unlock my account with 1and1

which…even after i pay it…it will take another 3 or 4 days -.-

I’m starting to get really pissed off..

I’ve made backups of everyones stuff. please email me with your login and password..if you dont I’ll make your password something weird..

My heart has been ripped out.

everything feels like its going wrong..and I have no idea how to fix it.

Angel deleted two posts that Lars and myself made…sorry I cant completely prove that…two posts that Lars and myself made..mysteriously dissapeared. I got upset with her about it..sent her an IM…and apparently her phone crapped out on her, so she didnt get it. and I just didnt feel like going into it when she came back. I was cross..and short, and a major bitch. Right now I’m still being bitchy because I’m just so freaking upset.

Oh my great grandmother died…so I’m going to WV to be there for my family. Look..year three of highschool…and the third effin funeral..so far one every year…I’m getting so tired of it. I had to be the rock for everyone when my grandfather died, lets forget the fact that it literally killed a part of me. Then I had to be there for everyone when my uncle died…I had to be the strong one…I guess thats whats expected of me. Then my great grandmother dies on me…I cant take this anymore. Give me some freaking time to grieve! I need an eternity to get over my grandfathers death.. but at least give me a couple of years…5 at least for my uncle…but NO. I cant take it anymore..I cant take another death…I need time to get over them…But its soo hard because I live here..

These were people that I could just go see if I wanted to..I can guarantee that if I still lived in WV everything with my grandfather would be soo effin hard. I mean..sometimes I dont even realize that he’s gone until I think about calling him..and I realize that I cant..

Then someone that I had seen only a month before he died…telling me to be safe going home..joking that people on the road should “watch out” because I had gotten my license..and was driving..

I remember EACH time that I was told the bad news.

My mom telling me that grandpa was sick, and was in the hostpital..that call saying that he was getting better…that call saying they werent sure if he was gonna make it…

Getting out of marching band..and getting a call from my aunt..asking for my moms cell phone number…my mom telling me that my uncle died..

Laying in bed..trying to get back to sleep because i didnt feel like being awake..listening to the voice mail asking to call her back…calling her back and hearing “she passed last night”

everything just gets harder and harder for me..am I doing something to deserve this?

with everything thats happening at home…and then this…I’m so close to breaking…so freaking close..