Mar 5
Why is it I tell myself I hate you…and I tell everyone else that I hate you..yet…here I am crying over you…
Why?
I don’t want to care about you. I want you gone. I want you out of my life.
Please heart he doesn’t deserve to be cared about by me…please..
Mar 3
Things between Richard and I have gone from better, to well… worse.
I’m not sure what to do anymore, I’m not sure how to react to things anymore… how to feel.. what to think.
About 2 weeks after I got home from Holland(about a month and a half ago.) Richard and I were talking about me coming back for Summer. Yes I know that was REALLY early to be talking about it, but ticket prices are a bitch and I’m not going to buy a ticket if I don’t have a place to stay. Well he asked his dad if I could stay with them. His dad said that I could stay for a month at most. We were really happy about that. Anneloes also told me that I could stay at her place for 2 weeks, so all in all thats 6 weeks. Which I was happy with. Sure I would rather stay 3 months, but I can deal with 6 weeks if its all I can get.
So I got really excited about it. I started watching ticket prices to see how much they would be. About 950$. I was hoping they would drop, so I was waiting to buy. After buying tickets so many times I’ve kinda learned hah. So while I’m waiting, Richard’s dad has a “talk” with him about me coming over. They then add that in order for me to stay there he has to stay at home (meaning take off work) the entire time because they’re uncomfortable with me staying there by myself.
This, I personally don’t get. It’s not like they don’t know me, it’s not like I’m a stranger. Not to mention, I don’t go snooping around people’s houses. Even when I was staying with Lars, I pretty much stayed in his room because I didn’t feel comfortable going around someone’s house without them there. Lars’ parents actually had to ASK me to leave his room and spend time with them. I can’t help it that I’m a person that keeps to myself.
Mar 1
So many things to update on, yet it seems that I have so little time. So I’ll break this into pieces. Richard, Secret Project, Day to day life and then Everything online.
Richard
Things between Richard and I were touch and go for a while. I had started talking to an old friend. Someone who well, wasn’t all that good for me. He had been someone who had led me on for years, leading me to believe that we would be together. Being that I was young and immature I fell for him, and I fell hard. I know that I would have done anything for him before. However while dating Lars, Lars made it clear that he didn’t want Kevin in my life. Therefore I pretty much took him out of it. Actually to be fully honest with myself and with everyone, he took me out of his life, like he so often did.
