Tired of keeping my mouth shut because what I really think and feel is “unconventional”.

So if it happens to run across my brain, its more than likely going to be typed.

Life, I feel like Pizza Hut is literally stealing my soul. Usually I get into a rut and I listen to music that explains how I’m feeling.. its been so bad that I’m trying to listen to upbeat music to keep myself from falling into this funk. I hate, absolutely HATE being told that I’m not allowed to learn. Every time I try to learn something I end up getting bitched at that I need to stick to delivering. Well, when there isn’t a delivery up, what in the fuck am I supposed to do? I feel fucking useless standing around doing nothing. Sure, you want other employes to do that… I don’t care, but guess what, I can’t do that. If there is something that needs to be done, I’ll do it. If someone is doing something that I can help them with, I’m going to help. I feel absolutely useless just standing around doing nothing.

Then, ugh. My work schedule has gotten to the point where I’m ready to slap my boss in the face. Never in my life, have I hated a job this much. Tuesday.. I was supposed to get off work at 7 (19:00) yeah, didn’t get off work until 9 (21:00). Wednesday, supposed to get off at 7, got off at 9.. Thursday, supposed to get off at 7, went home at 9:40. Each time she tells me “Thanks so much for staying, I don’t know what I would do if you would have left!” … but each time I asked if I could leave, because it was slow enough that she didn’t need me, she told me that I couldn’t. So no, I didn’t stay out of the kindness of my heart, I stayed because if I didn’t you would have fired me. Then! I’ve been working all these extra hours, staying much later than I’m supposed to.. and I went to cash out a customer the other day and one of the waitresses looked at me and the shift manager standing beside me.. and just fucking stared at me… finally she says (to the shift manager, even though I’ve been asking “What?!” for about 5 minutes now) “Pam doesn’t want her in the register. She’s new and she doesn’t trust her.” WOAH. What in the fuck? 1) the shift manager that I was talking about.. has been there for 2 days at this point and time, I’ve been there for at least a month, and I’m not trustworthy? Really, because I’ve shorted the money.. yeah that’s it. Each time I’ve been counted down, I’ve given the EXACT amount that is owed, no matter if it came out of my tips or not. UGH. Furious. Thank god I’m moving soon, I gave my two weeks notice today (or yesterday.. whatever.. the 5th). The next 7 days, I work every single day. I’m not looking forward to it… but all I have to do is keep telling myself that I only have 14 days left. So be it she might make me work those 14 days without a fucking day off.

However, moving. We’ll hit Lars, and then come around to rich and the rest of the group.

I’m still upset that Lars and I aren’t talking, and the fact that we’re “forbidden” to hang out, at least the last time we talked… 8 months ago? idk, I don’t remember, it was a long ass time. But anyway, it upsets me simply because we would make awesome friends, and I’d like to have him as a friend, but it seems no one trusts either of us. That, in itself just pisses me off. Idk, I wish we could at least just talk, but I haven’t seen him online in forever, so I guess that isn’t going to happen.

Rich and the rest of the group. Rich and Ann seem to be the two that really care that I’m moving, but I guess that’s mostly because they are the only people I talk to on a regular basis :S

I already have three concerts planned. Gah. I’m so excited for this. I’m so happy that I’ll be closing the long distance between Rich and myself. This is the LAST countdown I have to do. Once this one is over, its done! No more flying between the two countries, no more worrying about going home.. because I’ll be home. Not to mention, I’m FINALLY moving to the country that I’ve wanted to live in for the past 4+ years.  Gah, words can’t explain how excited I am!

Anyway. Speaking of a bunch of years. I still can’t believe Rich and I are at 2 years. Just wow.. its also hard for me to believe that for the past 4 years, minus a couple of months, I’ve been in a relationship.  I haven’t been really, honestly single in 4 years. I guess to me its just weird. I was always the kid that thought I would never find love, I’d never find happiness. I would just be in the corner wishing that the boy would pick me.

Anyway, I think thats all for now. Maybe you’ll start to get more updates, and who knows, I might even try to get comment buddies. *gasp*

I seem to only update to bitch about my life. I guess it’s the only place I can let everything out. But even then, I still feel as if I have to hold certain things back, because if I said all the things I was thinking, a few people that read this would either be pissed at me, or would stop talking to me.. *sigh*

I won tickets to the latest WVU game. Seems no one wants to go with me though. I called my mom, nope she has to finish her office. I called Lexi, she didn’t give me a no, but it seemed like I was going to get one anyway, because apparently Ryan is planning something this weekend with the rest of the group. Still, I asked Jessie, that was a no. I asked Ridge, that was a no. So awesome. I have free fucking tickets, (not to mention VIP Froggy Radio passes to their tailgating party (Free booze..)) but no one wants to go. So you know what? I’ll go to the game myself. Have an awesome time, and come home just to realize how miserable my life is because no one wants to go to a free game (Yet! They bought tickets to the last game which was cold, and wet.. but this one will be warm and dry…)…wtfe.

I told myself I wasn’t going to post this on my blog, but I really don’t care anymore. If everyone knows, then everyone knows. I’m moving out of the country. I officially have 85 days left in the USA. I’ve been sad about it at some points (when I think about the people I’m leaving) but then at the same time I’m not sad about it (instances like this football game..). But most of all I’m excited about it. I’m happy to finally be moving out, to actually being happy instead of confined to a country that makes me feel like an idiot. I’ll be challenged in life instead of just wondering around it trying to find my purpose. I’m taking classes to teach english as a second language, and once I get there, I hope to tutor others in english. I’m really really really excited about it.

My lease is up in this apt on the 31st. I’ll be moving in with Lexi and Ryan for November and December.. I’m scared about that. Mostly because I’m afraid that with the feelings I have now, that maybe it wont work.. maybe they’ll just decide they’re tired of me, and kick me out (had it happen before with someone I considered my second mother..) so.. i don’t know.

*sigh*

Last night was the launch party for the calendar that I worked on. I’m so excited to see my graphics in print! MY stuff was on this calendar.. MY stuff. AH! So happy. But the place that it was at was Bent, which is known for not letting ANYONE under 21 in. However they kinda fucked up last night hah! There was an under 21 list, in which they marked your hands.. and I was on it.. but I was also on the VIP list (Dude, just noticed.. VIP list here.. VIP tickets.. I’m a VIP :P) and he didn’t even check the under 21 list.. he looked at me and said “You are CLEARLY over 21″ Oh really? and gave me a wristband, and I got to drink. I only had two drinks, but still, it was awesome that I could.

But yeah, I believe that is all. Oh yeah Kay and Sky went to the launch party with me (thanks guys!) and Kay actually bought one of the calendars. I told him he would now have a little piece of me in his apt. to which he responded he could have a lot of me in his apt if he wanted to. XD

Anyway, I believe that is all for now. Maybe next time I’ll tell you how Sky took three of my virginities.