Tag Archives: Summer

Jun 6

How the tides have turned..

First, I would like to say sorry about the last post being password protected and all. I needed to get some things out, that I really wasn’t comfortable with many people reading. *hugs* so please don’t be mad! I wont do it often, promise!

Anyway! So today the Hostel that I hope to stay at got back to me. (HELL YES) they have room for me for the time that I will need to stay there, which makes me so so so so so so happy. Tomorrow after I hear back from them on how to send them the money and such I’ll be buying my plane ticket. I’m so so happy that I FINALLY get to do this, that I FOR SURE get to see my boyfriend this summer. With everything that was happening before it really really scared me that I wasn’t going to get to see him.

Onto today’s project blog though. What relationships have had the greatest impact on your life?

This one is so easy for me. At least the person, and the relationship is easy, however explaining it, will make me cry. So I guess that will make up for this being an easy blog eh? :P

My relationship with my grandfather had the greatest impact on my life. When I was younger he was pretty much who baby sat me because my mom didn’t have enough money to hire someone. Every summer, since none of us had enough money to go anywhere, I would spend every single day with my grandfather. I pretty much lived with him for three months. Every morning we went to a restaurant that had this buffet, where we would both get something to eat. When they took down the restaurant it literally broke my heart.

Since he had gone through so much with his cancer(they had to take part of his tongue out) he took a really really long time to eat. Breakfast was like 7am EVERY morning. Way too early for me! So we would go in, and I would finish before him and fall asleep on the booth. We always got a booth because the waitresses knew that I would fall asleep. He’d wake me up and then we’d go back to the house. I’d play outside while he worked on something in his building.

My grandfather and I were very very very close. Closer than my mother and I could ever be. The relationships that some kids have with their mothers or fathers, is the relationship I had with my grandfather, only he liked to spoil me since I was his youngest, and closest grandchild.

October 2004..everything changed. I changed, my world changed. My grandfather passed away. Because of my relationship with him, I learned a couple of things about myself. How strong of a person I can be when people need me to, and my breaking point.

I believe that if I wouldn’t have had the relationship with my grandfather that I did, that I would have grown up very differently. I know it would have been for worse, so I thank god, or whatever for letting him be in my life for so long, for making me want to be a better person..for pushing me hard enough to do my best, but not making me feel like a disappointment if I didn’t reach my goal.

I’ve had many other relationships in my life that have impacted me, but I think that this one is the most significant.

Jun 4

Time goes so quickly…

How does time really go by so fast? Yet at other times it feels like its going so slow?

Today marks 7 months between Richard and I. Honestly, I can’t believe that its been that long. On one hand I’m surprised that its been 7 months since we started dating, but on the other hand, it feels like its been much longer than that, that I’ve known him for much longer than that.

I told my mom on the phone this morning that it was 7 months. Even she said that it seemed like it had been longer than that, but that at the same time she can also remember about a year ago getting a voice message of me in tears and in a world of pain.

Even thinking about Lars, its hard to believe that it has been a year. Its crazy to think that we’ve been broken up for that long, and everything that we’ve gone through since then. I remember how devastated I was, and how much it hurt me. Yet here I am a year later, stronger and a much better person. I remember that flight back. Crying my eyes out before we ever took off. When I got home I didn’t eat, drink…I barely slept, and in general worried every single person that was close to me.

I guess I’m astounded by my ability to fix myself. When we broke up, I thought I would never get over it. Though here it is almost a year later, I know I’m not completely over it, and I never will be, but I’m not the sad girl locked in her room crying all the time anymore. I grew from it.. I learned to be a better person. Part of me just wishes that I would have been a better person before him.

Now I’m not saying that I want him back, because no, I don’t. I’ve found something much better in Richard. But I guess I do owe Lars a thank you, even though he broke my heart, in doing so he made me a better person. So Lars, if you somehow found this, and are reading it. Thanks.

But wow 7 months. Goodness! I’ve learned to love myself more in these 7 months as well. Sure I’m not comfortable with my body, and I doubt I ever will be, but I’m comfortable with myself as a whole.

I wish I could think of something “witty” instead of sappy to say about Richard, but alas, all that I keep thinking about is how much I love him, and how much he means to me.

In other news though, I did something today that made me very very very happy and very proud of myself. As most of you know (and if you didn’t you do now) I’ve been trying to learn Dutch since Lars and I started dating.

Well I’m planning everything for my trip over there this summer, and to do that I need a place to stay. So I’m going to be staying at a hostel. However I need to know if they have rooms open before I spend a ton of money on a plane ticket and have no where to stay.

Well I emailed them, and they haven’t gotten back to me, so today I decided to call and ask when the office hours were, so i could talk to someone that could help me. Well the hostel is in The Netherlands..meaning whoever answered the phone would be doing so in dutch. Problem eh?

Not this time! XD The guy answered and I said “Hello, do you speak english?” Sure its a small meaningless sentence, but I didn’t have to think about how to say it..it just came to me. Its not like I searched/ googled the sentence before I called or anything, I did it all on my own. It really made me proud that I’m getting so far along in dutch. I know that I could have said more to him, but it was easiest for me to ask my question in english instead of keeping this poor man on the phone with me forever(and running up my phone bill XD)

But yeah, all in all, that is my day today! :D

<3Rochelle

May 27

Work, sleep, repeat.

Here it is the end of the month. I thought that this month would be different when it came to blogging. That maybe for once I would start blogging more. Looks like I was wrong eh?

Oh well I guess.

Work has been work. Still do not have time for a life. Its actually gotten to the point where I get really touchy when Richard goes out with his friends because it hurts that 1) I don’t have time to do that myself and 2) I have no friends anyway so even if I did have time, I wouldn’t be able to go.

Made a facebook post about that yesterday(I think?) Someone said that I was loved, people just care more about themselves than they do others. Where I see where she is coming from I also know that I’ve lost almost every friendship that I used to have. When people IM me online it feels like they’re just doing it because they have no one else to talk to, and that they don’t really want to talk to me, they’re just doing it to pass the time. In other words the “general” questions. How are you, how has your day been, anything new, or the ones that really only require small answers. All the questions that never keep a conversation going.

And honestly I’m not going to try like hell to talk to someone who obviously doesn’t want to talk to me. Therefore I’ve been contemplating getting a new msn and aim until people think I just went MIA, or just blocking a lot of people. I haven’t decided which I want to do though.

I’m just tired of people IMing me that really don’t give a shit.

Another thing is how easy the tides change I guess. How easy someone can say that they don’t like someone, or don’t agree with something that they do, but then come two weeks and the person is bestest friends with that same person.

I don’t know. Could be myself being bitter because everyone seems to jump into great friendships with people, yet here I am friendless.

I wish it wasn’t to the point of where I cant even laugh at it. Usually when it comes to being uncomfortable about something or whatever I’ll do the “fake” laugh. Like things really aren’t as bad as I’m making them out to be. Or “oh woe is me” type of thing. Its gotten to the point where I cant even do that, because honestly, its past the point of where its just hurting my feelings. Its killing me that I have absolutely no one but my boyfriend and my mother.

I went and bought Richard two Lacoste polos today. It was nice to be able to spend that money and not worry about everything else that I have to pay for (since I already have the money for everything). Saving for Holland is going really well. I just need to get all the money in order to be able to buy my ticket. Hopefully the Euro continues to stay where it is against the Dollar. It only really makes a 50$ difference right now for the Hostel, but hey, thats 50$ that can go to my spending money.

Richard and I are good. We’re almost at 7 months. I can’t believe that its been that long already. But I guess it makes sense.

Actually what I really cant believe is that its almost been a year since Lars and I broke up. I mean it seems like its been a lot longer in my head, but actually thinking about it, it doesn’t seem like it should be a year. All in all time goes by extremely fast. I just hope my two months in holland don’t go by too fast.

And I believe that is all for now. I think my next blog I’m going to more so blog about opinions and such. I don’t know, make it more than just an update on my life.

Though I doubt anyone reads this anyway, or cares, its worth a shot.